'I just need a loan till payday, come on guys you know I am good for it.' said February. The other months looked at him in disgust. 'We gave you an extra day just two years ago,' said January evenly. January - the first month and therefore he considers himself in charge of the others and treats them all like children. 'Yeah and look what you did with it, just pissed it away. Again!' said September. His cronies October and December echoed the sentiments. The 'bers always stick together, a cruel gang of bullies. Except November, she was on February's side. 'I would give you one of my days but I just can't spare any myself my love, I'm sorry.' Oh what a happy day it had been when November asked out February and they fell in love, they could be a proper couple like June and July. Start having dinner parties and that sort of grown up like thing. The pompous August spoke up, 'This is a constant cycle with you. Every few years it's "oh please can I have an extra day" and like fools we all agree and look what you do with it?' 'Giving women the opportunity to propose marriage to men?' Thundered March furiously, 'What kind of man allows that sort of shit, ya pussy!' 'Yes I am afraid we could not possibly consider giving you another extra day again so soon.' Said January. 'May I say something?' the shy and geeky May spoke up for the first time. 'Perhaps we should move the month of February to later in the year? To give him more time to organise himself.' 'I've got a better idea,' said March, 'Why don't we just get rid of Feb altogether! Divide his days up between the rest of us.' March has been eyeing up February's days for many a long year and he always thirsts for more territory. 'But we cannot force that on him.' May protested weakly. 'May the 4th be with us I say!' Said March, the 'bers chortled along to his joke. 'Perhaps we should get rid of February.' said April haughtily, 'After all he is smelly! I bet it has been years since he had a proper bath or shower.' 'If I had an extra day maybe I could fit in a shower.' pleaded February. 'You've got 28 days as it is, that should be ample time for multiple showers.' said August. 'Speaking of showers,' interrupted December, 'April my dear, I don't suppose I could convince you to piss on me could I?' The others make faces at December's perversion. 'You're disgusting!' said April. But February was thinking 'I could piss on the lot of you bastards!' 'Stop picking on my beloved Feby!' said November, getting the parody back on track after the bad taste joke blatantly stolen from Joe Abercrombie. 'Just because he's younger than most of you.' 'How old are you anyway?' Asked June. 'Erm, I'm not entirely sure.' said February 'About 2700 years? ish?' 'He does not even know how old he is!' said July. 'Oh sure, its easy to know how old you are when you are named after a celebrity!' said February. 'That's it!' said Julius, 'We should replace you with another month named after a popular figure of the modern age.' 'I second this proposal.' said June. 'Alright Months, let us all vote.' announced January 'Votes for.' All of the months put up their hands except for February and November. 'There are three flowers in a vase, the third flower is white.' said September. November suddenly puts her hand up into the air. 'What the fuck?' said February in shock, 'You were a programmed doll all along!' 'Did I fall asleep?' asked November, 'For a little while.' replies October. September and December high five each other at the cumulation of their brilliant Dollhouse inspired plan. 'You've been punked man!' 'NOOOOOO!' 'The vote is unanimous.' says January 'February is hereby stripped of its monthhood and all respective attributes and benefits.' 'Right then, now we need a new month to take it's place.' said August, 'Any ideas?' 'Well,' said October, 'Anticipating this possibility I would like to propose that the replacement month be named Jay-Z-uary. He's pretty cool, right? I mean that New York song was bitching!'